I was waiting to write back to my friend until I knew what it was I wanted to say, and I'm finally getting it. She really helped me sort out what was her and what was me.
My mother and I were talking about boundaries because of this very alarming film I saw,
The Forest for the Trees, which turned out to be a German film student's senior thesis film. A young woman moves to a new city to start her job in her chosen profession and gets off to a terrible start, and in the end it is quite disturbing because she looks like anyone you'd run into on the street, articulate, poised, having some manners. But she makes two mistakes: she never says what she truly needs, nor does she listen when people give her the cold shoulder; she keeps coming back, watching, listening, following to find an opening in the other person's life with no regard for what the other wants from her, which is less and less of her neurotic clinginess over time. It was a terribly uncomfortable film to watch, but effectively sketched the shape of a life in which its central character did not know how to get her basic needs for love and connection met.
And I would like to think I've learned a lot about boundaries. I said something to my friend that I needed to say recently about this and felt better for having brought it out into the open.
She helped me see that some of what I had projected was about me and my situation and not
her true intent. Talking through everything brought good lessons and more trust for both of us. Phew.
Labels: boundaries, film, friendship
